Fluctuations of the Body
I was a teenager in the 80's. I remember shopping for jeans was M I S E R A B L E! I was curvy and most of them were a rectangular cut. I was always hard on myself because my body didn't fit what it was “supposed” to look like. I didn't realize that I wasn't the one who was wrong, it was the companies who made everything.
This frustration continued into my early 20's. I did gain the freshman 15 in college, might've even been 20. When I was younger, all I had to do was cut out things like ice cream and the weight fell off. As I got older, when stress kicked in, it wasn't so easy. I also learned to stress eat early on in life. When I was in 7th grade, my mom was in the hospital for 6 weeks or so and had a couple of surgeries I was distraught without her there and a time or two had cake for dinner. I was shamed by my oldest brother for that repeatedly. College was stressful and I didn't have my mother over me making sure I ate more balanced meals, therefore, the weigh crept up until I decided I was tired of it and took control.
This became a pattern. I'd stress eat when things got overwhelming, then would get tired of it and set out to lose the weight. I had/have a huge sugar addiction. Then, when I was in my early 40's things shifted. I was in the midst of a messy divorce and I wasn't stress eating. I'd been taking health coaching classes and I actually started listening to my body. At the time this started, I was the heaviest I'd ever been. I slowly began to change my life. Instead of depriving myself, I added healthy foods or habits in each week. I'd make sure it stuck then add in other healthy habits or foods. Slowly, the sugar cravings went away and the weight fell off. Ladies, you'll get this-I went from a size 22 to a 12 in around a year.
Then, the unthinkable happened. My mom was struggling with her memory and diagnosed with a brain tumor. My healthy habits little by little were set aside, because my attention was needed elsewhere. Constant stress became my companion. My phone was constantly on to take the necessary phone calls and prioritizing myself went out the window, until, I started CrossFit. Loosing myself in that workout helped me. I didn't have to think about anything other than the next movement, the next rep. I had to get my diet in line to support myself in the gym. So, it became a priority again. But stress still surrounded me as I tried to reprioritize myself.
Over the next several years, my job became more difficult, I was on a deep sugar bender and I struggled to lose even 1 pound. Stress was my constant companion, even with the workouts. Then, as I continued to deepen into my yoga practice, some things started to shift. I became more intimate with my body, began to accept the things I used to hate. I started to love her again, no matter what she looked like.
Now, I've been struggling with perimenopause symptoms. The hot flashes are hot flashing, the night sweats are awful, sleep has been illusive, brain fog is real, insulin resistance sucks, digestion has suffered, and who knows what else. So, my body has asked me to make some shifts and I've responded. For about the past 6 weeks, I've been carefully curating my diet and watching sugar in any form. I still have fruit in the morning, largely berries (I did add in some peaches this week, can you say yum to summer peaches?) a bit of grain for breakfast, otherwise it's largely green veggies and protein for the rest of my meals. I'm also playing with adding in more bitter and sour foods to help support my struggling digestion. I've added in some additional herbal support and even sought the support of an acupuncturist.
Things have started to shift for the better, not only have I lost some weight, thank you body, but I'm feeling lighter emotionally, sleep is better but still fluctuates, hot flashes are getting mostly better, digestion is improving and I'm sure other things I don't even realize. I'm going to add in weight lifting again soon (I do miss the feel of the barbell in my hands).
How do you feel about your body? Are there things you’ve struggled with?
